Table of Contents

Wasted Year — Table of Contents

Part 1: The Harvest

1. Farewell to Charlottesville (August 24, 1971)
2. Appalachia on the AM Dial (August 25)
3. There’s No Place Like Ohm (August 26)
4. The Monastery of Horses  (August 27)
5. Living in the Lyric (August 28)
6. Short History of a Femme Fatale (August 29)
7. Southern Comfort and the Love of a Good Woman (August 30)
8. Clamor (August 31)
9. Career for Commandos (September 1)
10. Hirsute Joseph, Hippie Mary (September 2)
11. Richard Matheson Would Be Rolling Over in His Grave (September 3)
12. Can’t See the Forest for the Weed (September 4)
13. The Sanctity of Street Plans (September 5)
14. POW in the Cafeteria (September 6)
15. Professional Southerners (September 7)
16. Goddess in the Museum (September 8)
17. Attica! (September 9)
18. The Man in the Hat (September 10)
19. Miss America, Stoned (September 11)
20. Psalms 18:29 (September 12)
21. The Daily Mistake (September 13)
22. A Head in the Window (September 14)
23. Perfection Descending a Staircase (September 15)
24. Sabotage (September 16)
25. Man with a Mistress (September 17)
26. The Harvest (September 18)
27. Catechism Lesson (September 19)

Part 2: The Bust

28. No Yankees in This Book Pile (September 20)
29. Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Po’ Boy (September 21)
30. The Looking Glass (September 22)
31. Waking up Alone September 23)
32. Assault on South Lamar (September 24)
33. Pot Pies and Assignations (September 25)
34. Your Blue-Collar God (September 26)
35. Old Stuff on Display (September 27)
36. The Madness of Greek Scholars (September 28)
37. The Secret Sharers (September 29)
38. Pep Rally Epiphany (September 30)
39. Coming to Consciousness in the Jitney (October 1)
40. If Ho Were in Charge (October 2)
41. Message from Tamburlaine (October 3)
42. Stranger at Faulkner’s Grave (October 4)
43. Chinese Haute Cuisine (October 5)
44.This Palatial Life-Style (October 6)
45. Surprise in the Shower (October 7)
46. Femminista( October 8)
47. The Deciduous Girl (October 9)
48. Presence of Mind (October 10)
49. Dining at Coleman’s (October 11)
50. Columbus Was a Fine American (October 12)
51. Weight Watchers (October 13)
52. Interstate Orgasm (October 14)
53. Shiny Black Plastic Monstrosity (October 15)
54. Another Night at the Lyric (October 16)
55. Proverbs 27:14 (October 17)
56. Suicide in the Museum (October 18)
57. Looking Good in a Burka (October 19)
58. Rose on Roses (October 20)
59. Intruders (October 21)
60. What’s That Smell? (October 22)
61. Collaborating with the Oligarchy (October 23)
62. Reassuring Words (October 24)
63. Meeting Melpomene (October 25)
64. Mussolini’s Air Force (October 26)
65. Infection (October 27)
66. Very Reliable Sources (October 28)
67. The Bedroll (October 29)
68. Bust at the Halloween Ball (October 30)
69. A Law and Order Man (October 31)

Part 3: Troop Movements
70. Not for Your Good Looks (Monday, November 1
71. Peanut Butter and Bananas (Tuesday, November 2)
72. The Madness of Greek Scholars, Revisited (Wednesday, November 3)
73. Grocery List (Thursday, November 4)
74. Memphis Cowboy (Friday, November 5)
75. Don’t Scrape Off the Mushrooms (Saturday, November 6)  
76. Morning After (Sunday, November 7)
77. Wily Old Pervert (Monday, November 8)
78. Getting Drunk with Dickey  (Tuesday, November 9)
79. Boris Badenov On the Line – (Wednesday, November 10)
80. Telephone in the Boxwood – Thursday, November 11
81. Zazen at the Depot – Friday, November 12
82.Talking Nick Down – Saturday, November 13
83. Some Chick Teaching Astral Projection – Sunday, November 14
84. Poetry by Becky – Monday, November 15
85. Just Another Leninist – Tuesday, November 16
86. Latin Club Buddy – Wednesday, November 17
87. A Family Disgrace – Thursday, November 18
88. Oxford Avant Garde – Friday, November 19
89. My Invisible Dog – Saturday, November 20
90. Good Old Times in the Land of Cotton – Sunday, November 21  
91. Return of the Caddy  – Monday, November 22
92. Poets Who Dare Not Speak Their Names – Tuesday, November 23
93. Cook’s Tour – Wednesday, November 24
94. One Giant Leap – Thursday, November 25
95. Troop Movements – Friday, November 26

Part 4: Night Visitors

96. The Tale of Timberline (Saturday, November 27)
97. Ever Watched Dan Blocker Stoned? (Sunday, November 28)
98. The Grammar of Adultery (Monday, November 29)
99. Somebody’s Knocking (Tuesday, November 30)
100. The Many Wives of Mr. Duck (Wednesday, December 1)
101. The Chinese Menace (Thursday, December 2)
102. To Tell the Time (Friday, December 3)
103. Cinema Sans Verity (Saturday, December 4)
104. Cap’n Crunch Interrupted (Sunday, December 5)
105. The Midnight Samaritan (Monday, December 6)
106. Rock Bombs and Candy Bars (Tuesday, December 7)
107. Road Kill Shinto (Wednesday, December 8)
108. When the Birds Come Back (Thursday, December 9)
109. Our Tupperware Party (Friday, December 10)
110. Any Woman Can* (Saturday, December 11)
111. Radioactive Dog Meat (Sunday, December 12)
112. Moral Turpitude (Monday, December 13)
113. The Jakarta Constant (Tuesday, December 14)
114. A Message from General Delivery (Wednesday, December 15)
115. Painting the Tiger’s Toenails (Thursday, December 16)
116. Diamonds Aren’t Forever (Friday, December 17)
117. Buttoned-Down in the Jitney (Saturday, December 18)
118. Mark 13:27 (Sunday, December 19)
119. Lipsticky Spot on My Cheek (Monday, December 20)
120. Herodotus Interrupted (Tuesday, December 21)
121.Johnny and Me at Faulkner’s Grave (Wednesday, December 22)
122. A Sound at the Door (Thursday, December 23)
123. Beware Russians Bearing Gifts (Friday, December 24)
124. One More Gift from the Russians (Saturday, December 25)
125. Party on Campground Road (Sunday, December 26)
126. Perfection Moves Upstairs (Monday, December 27)
127. New Tenants on the Square (Tuesday, December 28)
128. Mmmmrrrraaaaaaaaauuuwoooooooyooooyooooooooo (Wednesday, December 29)
129. Deputy Hacker at the Door (Thursday, December 30)
130. Just a Kiss at Midnight (Friday, December 31)
131. Black-Eyes, Bacon, and an Unrepentant Carnivore (Saturday, January 1, 1972)
132. Amy Madigan’s Sugar Daddy (Sunday, January 2)
133. A Day in Paris (Monday, January 3)
134.The Rebel Buddha (Tuesday, January 4)
135. Dr. Evans’ Eviction (Wednesday, January 5)
136. Never Trust a Mayonnaise Jar (Thursday, January 6)
137. Thirsty Stranger on the Square (Friday, January 7)
138. Stranger in the Rain (Saturday, January 8)

Part 5: The Storm

139. With around 167,000 Miles on It (Sunday, January 9)
140. Nobody’s Confessor  (Monday, January 10 )
141. Men Behind Closed Doors (Tuesday, January 11)
142. A Throng in the Union (Wednesday, January 12)
143. What You Boys Get So Excited About (Thursday, January 13)
144. Dipso on the Picket Line (Friday, January 14)
145. Astral Projectors (Saturday, January 15)
146. A Stealth Attack (Sunday, January 16)
147. Not a Peep Show (Monday, January 17)
148. Rabbi at a Hog-Calling Contest (Tuesday, January 18)
149. How to Trick the Baptists (Wednesday, January 19)
150. Company of the Righteous (Thursday, January 20)
151. The Future Sounds Pretty Boring (Friday, January 21)
152. Unforgivable Sin (Saturday, January 22)
153. Joan’s Gentleman Caller (Sunday, January 23)
154. Raven Bright (Monday, January 24)
155. I Am Night, You Are Mourning (Tuesday, January 25)
156. Dissociative Amnesia (Wednesday, January 26)
157. By Order of the Chair (Thursday, January 27)
158. Not a Couple (Friday, January 28)
159. Sober Again at Any Second (Saturday, January 29)
160. Throwing Out the Trash (Sunday, January 30)
161. Who Would Worship Zorro? (Monday, January 31)
162. A Payment to Mr. Patrick (Tuesday, February 1)
163. Groundhog Day (Wednesday, February 2)
164. Dr. Linen, I Presume (Thursday, February 3)
165. Emergency Preparedness (Friday, February 4)
166. The Storm (Saturday, February 5)

Part 6: The Trial

167. The Devil’s after Alfalfa (Sunday, February 6)
168. My Little Runaway (Monday, February 7)
169. Flasher in the Flood (Tuesday, February 8)
170. Drive-By (Wednesday, February 9)
171. You, Sir, Are an Asshole (Thursday, February 10)
172. Not Going to Talk about It (Friday, February 11)
173. How Do You Know My Lawyer So Well? (Saturday, February 12)
174. Eviction Order (Sunday, February 13)
175. Nothing Says Loving Like a Dime Bag (Monday, February 14)
176. The Delicate Sensibilities of a Hack Novelist (Tuesday, February 15)
177. Mickey Mouse Memories (Wednesday, February 16 )
178. Perverts and Pantywaists (Thursday, February 17)
179. Busted on a Rainy Road (Friday, February 18)
180. The Goddamn Phone Rings (Saturday, February 19)
181. The Federation of Young Southern Gentlemen (Sunday, February 20)
182. Pompous Prick (Monday, February 21)
183. Rainy Emotionalism (Tuesday, February 22)
184. Encounter in the 820s (Wednesday, February 23)
185. Reenacting the Civil War (Thursday, February 24)
186. Tahitian demigods (Friday, February 25)
187. Formidable Allies (Saturday, February 26)
188. The Brawl on Tyler Avenue (Sunday, February 27)
189. Insufferable Smartass (Monday, February 28)
190. Miracle at the Witch Trial (Tuesday, February 29)

Part 7 – Revelation

191. Great Ball of Fire (Wednesday, March 1)
192. Searching for Hirsch (Thursday, March 2)
193. Dean Moriarty (Friday, March 3)
194. Don’t Let That Pig in the House (Saturday, March 4)
195. Calling Jimi Hendrix (Sunday, March 5)
196. Wham! (Monday, March 6)
197. The Pygmy Flowerpecker (Tuesday, March 7)
198. Boom! (Wednesday, March 8)
199. God Bless Richard Nixon (Thursday, March 9)
200. Twenty-One Naughty Words (Friday, March 10)
201. Let’s Steal a Cat (Saturday, March 11)
202. Did We Steal a Cat? (Sunday, March 12)
203. Little Air Quotes (Monday, March 13)
204. Requiem for a Cow (Tuesday, March 14)
205. The Fifth of My Kind (Wednesday, March 15)
206. Blake’s Closet Door (Thursday, March 16)
207. Behind Enemy Lines (Friday, March 17)
208. The Most Depressing City in the South (Saturday, March 18)
209. Man in the Quaker State Cap (March 19)
210. The Chapel Hill Bust (Monday, March 20)
211. Short Discussion Question #2 (Tuesday, March 21)
212. Lunch with Benedetto Croce (Wednesday, March 22)
213. The Girl in Chocolate (Thursday, March 23)
214.  Boontos en te Eremo (Friday, March 24)
215. Up a Tree (Saturday, March 25)
216. Cake at a Bachelor Party (Sunday, March 26)
217. Love’s Fool (Monday, March 27)
218. My Secret Weapon (Tuesday, March 28)
219. The Scandal of Cousin Amy (Wednesday, March 29)
220. Five Dead Husbands (Wednesday, March 29)
221. Sheer Animal Joy (Friday, March 31)
222. Encounter at the Holiday Inn (Saturday, April 1)
223. Revelation (Sunday, April 2)

Part 8 – The Pilgrimage

224. Life among the Goats (Monday, April 3)
225. Dancing with Mice (Tuesday, April 4)
226. Of Gin Runners and Geologists (Wednesday, April 5)
227. Brotherly Warning (Thursday, April 6)
228. The Many Loves of Colonel Dixon (Friday, April 7)
229. A Waste of Two Placentas (Saturday, April 8)
230. Maybe a Bastard (Sunday, April 9)
231. Most Dangerous Man on Campus (Monday, April 10)
232. An Ad for the Eagle (Tuesday, April 11)
233. Party at the End of the Hall (Wednesday, April 12)
234. No Future in Pizza Delivery (Thursday, April 13)
235. A Figure from Aubrey Beardsley (Friday, April 14)
236. Those Cats Are My Heroes (Saturday, April 15)
237. Model at the Exhibition (Sunday, April 16)
238. Wicked Old Maid (Monday, April 17)
239. Sweet Talkin’ Guy (Tuesday, April 18)
240. Missing Person (Wednesday, April 19)
241. Night of the Ranger (Thursday, April 20)
242. News of Tamburlaine (Friday, April 21)
243. Earth Day Heist (Saturday, April 22)
244. Home from Tulane (Sunday, April 23)
245. The Elvis Presley Particle Accelerator (Monday, April 24)
246. Home in Time for the Pilgrimage (Tuesday, April 25)
247. Dr. Goodleigh’s Driving Record (Wednesday, April 26)
248. Milton in the Barbershop (Thursday, April 27)
249. An Invitation to Beltane (Friday, April 28)
250. Of Gurus and Carrion (Saturday, April 29)
251. The Pilgrimage (Sunday, April 30)

Part 9 – The Bridge

252. Take Me Home, Country Road (Monday, May 1)
253. Cherry Blossom Time (Tuesday, May 2)
254. Love Is a Long and Slender Thing (Wednesday, May 3)
255. Something for the Kid (Thursday, May 4)
256. Love the One You’re With (Friday, May 5)
257. Younger Girl Keeps Rolling Across My Mind (Saturday, May 6)
258. Odd Man Out (Sunday, May 7)
259. Dickhead Tourists (Monday, May 8)
260. Wide, Wide River (Tuesday, May 9)
261. Sinner in the Hands of an Angry God (Wednesday, May 10)
262. Child of the Dawn (Thursday, May 11)
263. Best Years of Our Lives (Friday, May 12)
264. On the Plain of Ilium (Saturday, May 13)
265. Outcasts’ Hour (Sunday, May 14)
266. The Independent Republic of Campground Road (Monday, May 15)
267. 39, 5, 57, 76, 50, 55 (Tuesday, May 16)
268. If You Go Carrying Pictures of Chairman Mao (Wednesday, May 17)
269. Barefoot in Clarksdale (Thursday, May 18)
270. And They Shall Name Him Samuel (Friday, May 19)
271. Sobriety Is a Disease (Saturday, May 20)
272. Outfoxed (Sunday, May 21)
273. Hissarlik on My Mind (Monday, May 22)
274. Thumbs Outside on Magnolia Drive (Tuesday, May 23)
275. Veni, Vidi, Vici Again (Wednesday, May 24)
276. The Lost Days of Melissa Allen (Thursday, May 25)
277. I Would, but You Don’t Have a Phone (Friday, May 26)
278. Great Gourmet Grits Gala (Saturday, May 27)
279. Monkeys Ain’t Got No Sense (Sunday, May 28)
280. Citizen’s Arrest (Monday, May 29)
281. Born in a Seersucker Suit (Tuesday, May 30)
282. Stephen Crane Calling, or Doctor, My Eye! (Wednesday, May 31)
283. The Bridge (Thursday, June 1)

Part 10 – The Machine

284.  Oral Defense (Friday, June 2)
285. Gestation Period (Saturday, June 3)
286. More Guns than the Armory (Sunday, June 4)
287. Who’s Going to Brush Its Teeth? (Monday, June 5)
288. The Mad Deejay, Again (Tuesday, June 6)
289. Morning in Arcadia (Wednesday, June 7)
290. Ache Ridge (Thursday, June 8)
291. Do You Want to Dance? (Friday, June 9)
292. Sophists at the Farmers Market (Saturday, June 10)
293. Stories in the Sky (Sunday, June 11)
294. Woman in the Flame (Monday June 12)
295. Tired Starlings (Tuesday, June 13)
296. While in Turkey (Wednesday, June 14)
297. Best Seller (Thursday, June 15)
298. The Lost Dauphin (Friday, June 16)
299. Breakfasting with Demons (Saturday June 17)
300. Anathema in the Eyes of the Lord (Sunday June 18)
301. Letter from the Coast (Monday June 19)
302. Town of Terror (Tuesday, June 20)
303. Breughel’s Painting of Hell (Wednesday, June 21)
304. Bazooka Joe’s Doppelgänger (Thursday, June 22)
305. A Turkish Mental Ward Is a Distinct Possibility (Friday, June 23)
306. The True Story of Tamburlaine (Saturday, June 24)
307. Crab Shu Mai (Sunday, June 25)
308. The Anals of History (Monday, June 26)
309. The Great Harpoon Incident (Tuesday, June 27)
310.  Rabbit in the Moon (Wednesday, June 28)
311. The Handsome Poet (Thursday, June 29)
312. When People Prayed to Rocks (Friday, June 30)
313. Naked Lunch (Saturday, July 1)
314. Hell Is Other People (Sunday, July 2)
315. Monsters in Tall Grass (Monday, July 3)
316. For Members Only (Tuesday, July 4)
317. Literary Prodigy of Pontotoc, Mississippi (Wednesday, July 5)
318. Fog Burning off Kudzu (Thursday, July 6)
319.  Scarecrow at the Door (Friday, July 7)
320. Roger Foster Died in a Whorehouse (Saturday, July 8)
321.  The Prisoner (Sunday, July 9)
322. Chance Meeting at the Soiree (Monday, July 10)
323. Dog Ass, Alabama (Tuesday, July 11)
324. The Shade of Imminent Catastrophe (Wednesday, July 12)
325. On the Naming of Demons (Thursday, July 13)
326. The Machine (Friday, July 14)

Part 11 – The Crack Up

327. The Whole Sorry Truth (Saturday, July 15)
328. Most Love Stories End Unhappily (Sunday, July 16)
329. Protecting the Campus from Nipples (Monday, July 17)
330. Jeb’s Ultimatum (Tuesday, July 18)
331. The Exorcist (Wednesday, July 19)
332. A Tower of Thighs (Thursday, July 20)
333. More Peregrinations of Billy Pilgrim (Friday, July 21)
334. Running Out of Body Parts (Saturday, July 22)
335. New York Review of Books (Sunday, July 23)
336. John Lennon Sucks! (Monday, July 24)
337. FBI (Tuesday, July 25)
338. Your Brain Belongs to the Pentagon (Wednesday, July 26)
339. Mexican Meat Sticks (Thursday, July 27)
340. Lacuna (Friday, July 28)
341. The Searchers (Saturday, July 29)
342. Leo’s Last Stand (Sunday, July 30)
343. With the Memphis Blues Again (Monday, July 31)
344. The Worst That Could Happen (Tuesday, August 1)
345. Class C Felony (Wednesday, August 2)
346. Saddest Story Ever Told (Thursday, August 3)
347. The Crack Up (Friday, August 4)

Part 12 – The End

348. The Hunter (Saturday, August 5)
349. What Happens Now? (Sunday, August 6)
350. Pages from a Manuscript (Monday, August 7)
351. Meeting in the Woods (Tuesday, August 8)
352. The Internationale (Wednesday, August 9)
353. Her Skin Smells of Cucumbers (Thursday, August 10)
354. The Fulton Chapel Bust (Friday, August 11)
355. Hellhole (Saturday, August 12)
356. Appointment in Paris (Sunday, August 13)
357. The Paper Crown (Monday, August 14)
358. Election Night (Tuesday, August 15)
359. A Racehorse and a Mint Julep (Wednesday, August 16)
360. One Last Kiss (Thursday, August 17)
361. Live Free or Die (Friday, August 18)
362. Cardinal Acts of Mercy (Saturday, August 19)
363. Macaw in a Murder of Crows (Sunday, August 20)
364. The Lights Are Going Out (Monday, August 21)
365. Lights Out (Tuesday, August 22)
366. The End (Wednesday, August 23)

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